The Ill-Made Mute, by Cecilia Dart-Thornton (2002) E
Date read: 4.23.05
Read from: Borrowed from Kakaner
Reviewer: Emera
To celebrate our 50th posted review, Kakaner requested that I post one of my oldest reviews, which is of the worst book that both of us have more or less read. “More or less” meaning that Kakaner couldn’t finish it, and I only finished it in the loose sense of having turned every page in the book, with at most a 75% probability of actually having read the material on each page word-for-word.
Hoo boy. Where to begin.
Once upon a time, new books were very very precious to Kakaner because she wasn’t allowed to buy any, and was not yet empowered by the wonders of an independent income. Then came the glorious day when Kakaner was allowed, for the very first time, to buy one book. One book! Hands trembling with the fevered anticipation of a junkie about to score, she turned to me for recommendations. I offhandedly suggested Cecilia Dart-Thornton’s The Ill-Made Mute, a fantasy novel that I’d heard of here and there, about a mysteriously mute and disfigured waif who must make her way through a faerie-riddled landscape of phantoms and flying ships. Sounds fun, right? Strange worlds! Colorful reimaginings of Celtic mythology! “Netted with golden prose”[™ cover blurb]! And so, alas, Kakaner plunged ahead, unaware of the outrageous injustice I had committed in encouraging her to squander her first purchase thusly.
Now, bear in mind that I’ve read a fair number of prosaically bad books, from The Da Vinci Code to any number of mass-produced YA series about princesses with jewel-themed names or suburban kids who discover magical kung-fu powers that enable them to battle insidious Aliens in Disguise*. I have even sampled from the pages of that dainty of dainties, Twilight. However, I still have yet to encounter anything quite so self-indulgently, toe-curlingly, consummately, orgiastically bad as The Ill-Made Mute, a book that exists to define “fascinatingly horrible.”


